Who is a missionary disciple?

Who is a missionary disciple? Lessons I learned from missionary disciples in the Amazonia

As I concluded my time at the Vicariate Apostolico de San Jose de Amazonas, I had the joyful opportunity to gather with other Vicariate missionaries for a time of prayer, fellowship, and workshops. At the invitation of Bishop Jose Javier Travieso Martin C.M.F and his vicar general Fr. Cesar Luis, nearly 60 missionaries gathered for a 4-day gathering at the heart of the Amazon. The witness of these missionaries from different parts of the world, who have significantly impacted the Amazon, will stay in my heart.  To give a context, there are only 15 priests in the diocese, most of whom are missionaries from abroad. (They have two transitional deacons in formation and one seminarian for the diocese). There are around 25 religious sisters and around 20 lay missionaries. These missionaries of all different ages have spent years working in the Amazon to bring the joy of the gospel to others. From my experience with them and my time in the Apostolic Vicariate of San Jose de Amazonas, I wanted to share what I learned about who a missionary disciple is.^[1]

A missionary disciple is one chosen by God not for something but for someone.^[2]

It was abundantly clear from my interactions with the missionaries that they did not choose or decide to come to the Amazonia to be missionaries. Instead, they knew God chose them, took the first step to find, love them, and invite them to the Amazonia region. Their humility in accepting God's call was evident in numerous stories of missionaries searching for meaning and purpose through various initiatives but ultimately finding their fulfillment in Christ. Paraphrasing one of the missionaries who told me, “Christianity is not my search for God but God’s search for me.”  

              

It was also very evident that their identity and mission were not necessarily for something but for someone. The missionaries in the Amazonia did not see what they did in their different mission sites as some work they did. So many of them are involved in various inspirational pastoral initiatives like working for the rights of Indigenous people, fighting against childhood and sexual abuse, preserving the Amazon forest, working in the Ministry of Health, and numerous others. But in all this, they do not see their “work” as something they do; rather, it’s what naturally comes out as being set apart for someone – Christ. It is their love for Christ that animates them to bring the Joy of the Gospel to others, which has many different forms and shapes. Their work is not just a task but a transformative force that brings the Joy of the Gospel to others.

A life of self-gift^[3]

The famous John Paul II thought, echoed in the 2nd Vatican Council document, Gaudium et Spes,” Man cannot find himself except through a sincere gift of himself to others,” was palpable in the life of the missionaries. I met many missionaries who have spent 30+ years in the Amazon, giving their lives entirely to Christ and his people without expecting anything in return. Quietly, these missionaries lived among the people in harsh conditions, without electricity and with no access to a wide range of foods, but they lived among the people as the people. Their resilience in these conditions is truly admirable. I recall fondly talking to one religious sister who has been in the Amazonia for over 30 years and how she felt after 30 years when she shared, “I don’t think I have changed anything here, but my time here has changed me, allowing me to grow closer to the love of Christ!” This is who a missionary disciple is: one who makes a gift of his/her life and thus finds who he/she is.

It’s not an option but an integral part of the Christian identity^[4] ­

The Amazonia missionaries saw their calling to missionary discipleship not as an option but as an integral part of who they were. They had no other option than to respond to their call. I met numerous people who started in Amazonia with a couple of years of commitment but then realized this is where they are meant to be and have been there for 10+ years. This commitment does not come out of a bold show of fortitude but instead comes from a conviction placed in the heart of the missionary disciple that he is one called by Christ to live out the joy of the gospel in a particular way.

Filled with joy and gratitude^[5]

In listening to the sharing of some missionaries who have been there for so many years, the joy they encountered in being with the people of Amazonia, the joy of being together as one body of Christ was evident. Our gathering was filled with laughter, music, and dance. Various individuals shared beautiful stories of how joyful and grateful they were for being with the people of Amazonia. There was never a moment of moaning about the situation they were in. Instead, it was stories of how much each individual's heart was moved, how much they learned, and how much they received. It was never about them but always about the other.

Enlivened by the Holy Spirit^[6]

A missionary disciple is one who, in each moment, comes in front of the Lord and asks the Lord – what am I called to do? This is one realization I had during my time at Amazon. It's not about what I want to do, but instead, I come in front of the Lord with all my desires, challenges, hopes, and dreams and ask God, what am I called to do? Through the workings of the Holy Spirit in my heart, I then move forward to begin my journey, constantly coming back to God and moving forward with the Holy Spirit. This is also the adventure of missionary discipleship, the adventure of not knowing what's in front of you but trusting in what God has in store for you. The missionaries of the Amazon are ones who, every day in their lives, come before the Lord with all that’s in their heart and ask the Holy Spirit to lead them. This animation by the Holy Spirit allows the Church to flourish in the Amazon, to bring about creativity amid the challenges they live in, and to share the joy of the gospel in the most beautiful ways.

In my time in the Apostolic Vicariate of San Jose de Amazonas in Santa Clotilde and other places I visited, the people I was with and the missionaries I encountered all showed me the heart of Christ, the joy of the gospel, and what it means to live out a life of missionary discipleship.

^[1] Before I had gone to the Apostolic Vicariate of San Jose de Amazonas, Fr. Isaia Birollo CS (a Scalabrini priest and former superior general of the Missionaries of St. Charles Borromeo) suggested reading the “Aparecida document” to understand better the church in Latin America and the Amazon. The 5^th General Conference of Bishops of Latin America and the Caribbean, which took place in Aparecida, Brazil, was opened by Pope Benedict XVI. The final document was published by Cardinal Jorge Bergoglio (Pope Francis) as Cardinal Archbishop of Buenos Aires and Cardinal Manuel Fernandez, Archbishop of La Plata (Now Prefect for the Doctrine of the Dicastery of Faith). One can see the inspiration for the landmark Apostolic exhortation, the Joy of the Gospel, Evangelii Gaudium, in the “Aparecida” document. https://www.celam.org/aparecida/Ingles.pdf

 

^[2] Aparecida Document, Chapter 4, the vocation of missionary disciple to holiness.

^[3] Aparecida Document, Chapter 4, the vocation of missionary disciple to holiness.

^[4] Ibid    

^[5] ibid

^[6] ibid

Transforming fear into responsibility through grace.

One of the privileges of being here at the hospital in Santa Clotilde in the Apostolic Vicariate of San Jose de Amazonas is to be the on-call physician for the hospital. Typically, this involves a 24-hour shift where you are responsible for hospitalized patients and those coming to the emergency room. Due to the unique location and the physicians available, the on-call physician deals with whatever comes his/her way. Whether that’s responding to children who are ill, pregnancies and labor, or trauma- the on-call physician is the one responsible. (Obviously, other physicians are here to ask around and are always willing to help.) Some of these things are beyond my specialty or capability as an internal medicine physician. As such, being on call can also be a terrifying experience – of not knowing what will come your way. But is fear the appropriate response in these situations? How are we, as missionary disciples, called to respond in situations that feel as if they are beyond our ability? How are we to respond when it seems like the only response we have is anxiety and fear? I recall the story of Br. Ghislain of Taizé, a physician himself, who began creating art out of anxiety while working the night shift as a junior doctor. I can relate to this anxiety. Br. Ghislain had a beautiful way of transforming that place of anxiety into creativity. But it’s also easy for us to let anxiety turn into fear. It can happen quickly and really cripple you.

I have had numerous experiences this past month of being called out of my “comfort zone. “Internal medicine is not a procedure-heavy specialty. It can be, but it's not why I love this specialty. At the same time, here in Santa Clotilde, you must respond to what you are called to. During this past week, I had the privilege to attend to a significant wound on a person's hand due to an accidental machete-related injury. (Machetes are common here in the Amazon as they are used to cut trees and do daily work in their fields.) As another physician and myself, along with a few nurses and a religious sister, started attending to the wounds, I could see blood pouring out everywhere. The man was crying in pain. I could see the anatomy of the bones and muscles of his hand. I started thinking to myself, I don’t want to be here in this situation. I don’t even like to be here in this situation. Anxiety began to hit me. I even started making excuses like well, there are enough people around, this situation doesn’t really need me, or what difference can I make in this situation? As more blood started squirting out from his hand, I remember (for some reason) looking straight into the man’s hand and hearing just be here; I am with you. I probably didn’t like this whole situation, and it was not something I enjoyed, but slowly, I could see things improving as we all worked together and did our part. We washed his wounds, cleaned them, stopped the bleeding, and sutured the wounds on his fingers. It took at least 2-3 hours.

In the story of Holy Family, we hear about how St. Joseph was concerned about Mary and was thinking of not traveling with her the following day. He was thinking about leaving her. Maybe it was fear that led him to that decision, or maybe it was questions like what am I going to do in this situation? Or Am I the one who needs to accompany this woman and child? But what transforms St. Joseph’s fear into the responsibility of caring and journeying with Mary the next day? It's definitely not St. Joseph who says to himself, “Well, I can do this, “but instead, it is God’s messenger who comes to him in this most dire situation to give him the guidance, strength, and courage to continue the journey and take responsibility of the situation. Maybe St. Joseph, before he slept, went to bed thinking about how he should face this dilemma. I don’t think he would have slept peacefully that night. Maybe his ability to confront the problem at night allowed God to speak to him in a dream. Yes, the fear of St. Joseph, the fear of a missionary disciple, was transformed into responsibility through a dream, through grace – a free gift given to St Joesph. Still, maybe it was St. Joseph’s ability to face what scared him most during that night, instead of running away, that allowed God to speak to him in a dream.

For myself, I often think about how I should take responsibility in a situation I am called into. I know God works through the virtue of fortitude we exercise. But there can also be times when we probably don’t even know how to respond, or we don’t know what the virtue of fortitude looks like in a situation. I don’t know why Christ asked me to stay in the situation (The situation I was in with the patient) or why He gave me the grace to be there, but what I do know is that it was His grace in that situation that transformed the fear I encountered into responsibility of doing my part and taking care of the person in front of me, even if I didn’t enjoy it or felt comfortable about it.

Often, grace comes in a gentle, tender voice, sometimes in a quiet dream. But what can allow us to encounter grace is our ability to stare directly at the problem or what we fear most. For me, it came by looking straight at blood squirting out (not because I wanted to; it just happened). It was at this moment that I could experience the grace that transformed the fear of being in that situation into taking responsibility for the situation, knowing that God was with me.

Later that week, I was able to care for this man’s wounds multiple times in the hospital. On Sunday, we invited the parish priest who brought Communion and administered the anointing of the sick. We gave him a rosary (made by a kind-hearted and generous friend of mine) to remind him of Mary’s accompaniment in his healing. Although he may have some debilitation regarding the movement of his fingers, I was overjoyed to see him being discharged from the hospital and going back home with his children. This is the mystery and the joy of missionary discipleship. This is the mystery of grace. I don’t know why I received grace in such a situation, but at the same time, grace transformed my fear into responsibility. Our response to the situation we are called in is not one in which we always have all the answers. At the same time, we are not called to be crippled by fear of the situation. The life of a missionary disciple is one in which he/she recognizes the need to be transformed by grace. And sometimes, we can allow ourselves to be conduits of grace by facing the very thing we are most afraid of, knowing that Christ is with us, and his grace overcomes all!